As I sit here typing this post next to our Christmas tree, under a blanket because it’s freezing & snow covering the ground outside, I can’t help but think about a week ago, I was sitting on a beach in warm, sunny Florida. Crazy what life can throw at you if you’re lucky.

And boy, did I feel lucky getting to experience Florida in the winter. A friend of mine had asked if I wanted to coach a team from South Carolina in a tournament down in Tampa. My sister and her family live in Tampa, so any chance I get to go down, I’m there! With a nudge in my gut and a warm heart, I said yes. Yes to the unknown, but excited to see where it takes me.

So last weekend I flew down, stayed with my sister, hung out with my niece & nephew and brother-in-law, hit up some beaches, saw some sharks & manatees, coached some lacrosse, & hosted some mindset sessions.

Cup Full.

The lacrosse team I helped coach, with my buddy Shawn Krout, is called the Southern Stars National Team. They’re from Charleston, South Carolina but have kids from all over represented in this tournament. Our team was comprised of kids from South Carolina, North Caroline, Florida, & Maryland. The program itself brought 5 teams down to compete. It was a unique coaching opportunity for me because I only knew one player on our team going into the weekend.

Looking back, there were a few things we did that helped us prepare for the weekend.

For me, the most helpful thing was have the girls complete a Google Form document that asked some core questions to help us coach them well without knowing them.

Some of the questions included…

How do you like to be coached?

Why do you play lacrosse?

What do you bring to the team?

What are some areas you’d like to continue to improve upon?

A few weeks before the tournament, we also met the team virtually to get to know each other a little more, going into the weekend. We talked about our coaching philosophy, background, game plan for the weekend, and the most important thing imo…

Favorite Thanksgiving food

So simple and yet really helped form a little bond ahead of the actual tournament. When we met the girls the Friday before our games on Saturday, we circled back to see how their favorite Thanksgiving foods went for them on the big day and if they had any additional items they added to their list. Connections forming…

Nothing lacrosse. Because lacrosse, at its core, doesn’t build connection. It doesn’t build trust. A fact overlooked by many. The importance of connection & trust and how directly that will impact the performance of the players and teams around us. Here? We make time for this stuff because we get the impact.

On Friday, I also hosted a mindset workshop for all the teams of Southern Stars. The team workshop really helped the kids understand that their brains are working well by holding them back, playing it safe. Weird to say, but it’s true. And from there we ask this question…

Is it helping me?

Often, the answer is no.

My favorite activity to help bring this out in the mindset sessions is through partner yoga. And these kids crushed it. So much fun!

In partner yoga, we get to know our alarms differently.

How do they sound to us? To our teammates? To our coaches?

The alarms often want to hold us back, to keep us safe from the unknown, but with some love and a gentle nudge, we have the power to move forward and be better because of them.

The difference for this session versus a regular team workshop was that I got to meet with the parents and have our own workshop before the teams. And that? That was amazing.

I broke down what we would be doing with the team session at a very high level, and time for Q&A at the end. Leading with curiosity and understanding that parenting is hard.

If I could share the most common theme of the Q&A, it would be to allow our athletes to feel seen, heard, & valued.

As parents, we want to fix everything for our kids. I get it. I believe it’s a very natural reaction as parents. But what I’ve realized in my own journey of parenting athletes is that I can’t fix anything.

Period. Stop.

But what I can do is provide a space for my kids to feel seen, heard, and valued. Listening to their opinions and experiences and holding space for them to release the feelings and emotions that come with it. No judgment. Some curiosity. A lot of patience. And if they are interested, we can provide some thoughts/suggestions/opinions, but I don’t believe this space is as impactful as the other. It’s a bonus, but only when our kids are ready. And with that, I ask. And they tell me yes or no before we approach my take. I honor that space.

Parenting is like a dance.

If we can meet our kids where they are and pick up the beat they are putting down, following their lead as we go, I believe the journey will be much more enjoyable. We might even be able to stop and enjoy the music every once in a while. Watching our kids doing the hard. And crushing it. Not perfectly. But confidently.

We lost all 3 of our games on Saturday. And in our middle game, we (quite frankly) got our butts kicked. Some coaches might be ashamed to admit it. But not me. I am so proud of our team. Because of the things they did after that game in the third loss and the way they rallied in their fourth game? THAT’S the win. If you could have seen that Southern Stars team on Sunday! They were on fire.

Before the game on Sunday, we circled the team up and asked them to remember their why. Why do they play lacrosse? Some may be playing to make friends. Some may be playing to learn. And some may be playing to earn a spot on the top lax team in the nation collegiately. That was our range. I know because in the Google form doc I asked.

So when we circled back to remember why they play, it was like a weight lifted off the team. They played light and fun and free. They didn’t freak out under pressure. They unlocked themselves in that space, and each player left that game at another level than they arrived.

That’s the power of pairing mindset combined with play.

I’m partnering with my buddy Shawn to offer a local training experience that will allow our community an opportunity to feel the power in this space. We will teach mindset techniques that have the potential to unlock each and every player. And then we will practice our skills using the new mindset tools immediately to help strengthen that muscle. So excited for this!

To help prepare the seed of mindset this winter so that in the spring, they’ll be ready to thrive. It takes work and patience and time but when we stick with it and build that mindset muscle the results are so worth it. Here for you in this hard.

A Trip to Remember: Family, Lacrosse, & Mindset for athletes, teams, & parents in Sunny Florida