A Pep Talk for Parents

Sometimes, the best way to show our kids love is to let them fail.

But failing is the worst.

I hate it. You hate it. We all hate it. For ourselves, let alone our babies.

In fact, our job as parents for the first decade of our kids’ lives is to teach them not to fall. Never wanting scraped knees. Broken bones. Bumps. Bruises. It’s literally our job to keep our kids “safe” from falling.

So now all of a sudden, as they start playing sports, we say, “Hey, parents! Relax! Let them fall. Let them fail!” It’s a lot. I get it. I don’t want my kids to fail either.

But here’s where I’m at with it.

I’ve decided that teaching my kids how to fail well is a greater life skill than being scared to fail at all. 

We can teach them how to be perfect and play it safe. Or to go be so great that when they fall, they will learn, grow, and be better because of when they try again.

Teaching them that the road to greatness is lined with twists and turns and bumps and pivots. That it’s how we choose to show up in the mess that determines who we are as a person. Trusting ourselves and the process. Reminding them that they are capable of greatness, but with that comes hard.

Acknowledging that you see them showing up. Doing hard things. Breathing life back into them through affirmations that maybe they’ve forgotten themselves.

“You are smart.”

“You are strong.”

“You are capable.”

“You’ve got this.”

Words help, and so do hugs.

Giving hugs sends messages to our kids that we see them, we feel them, we love them. That we will always be there for them, no matter what but also remembering that we aren’t them. At the end of the day, it’s their journey to navigate.

Reminding them that, as much as you believe in them, it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that they believe in themselves. It’s their life. Not ours. Those are strong words, but the truth needs to be spoken here.

We are not our kids, and our kids are not us.

Yes, we have a responsibility to show our kids how to be good humans, but at the end of the day, it’s on them to decide if they are actually going to try.

The quicker we can distinguish between them and us, the quicker we can slide into this supportive space. Our ego relaxes a bit. We become a little softer. Not going away completely because they still need us (as much as they might not show it, they do!). But the need has changed.

For some kids, presence speaks louder than words.

It’s a choice we parents have. And it’s hard. But teaching them how to journey to greatness should be hard. 

So I chose hard. Every day. Not only for my kids but for myself. I’m not perfect. And I’m definitely not the perfect parent. The reason I’m writing this is because of all the things I’ve learned from all the failing I’ve done. Personally, and as a parent. My kids have seen me fail. Time after time after time. They’ve also seen me grow. They’ve seen me show up and try again. We live in this language here.

The gift failure gives back to us is too good not to share.

It’s love.

This parenting gig is a lot more challenging than I ever imagined it would be. And we need pep talks along the way to breathe life back into us on the down days. So parents, keep going. Trying. Failing. Learning. And showing up to try again. It’s hard. But we can do hard things.

We’ve got this.

Always cheering you on,

Nikki